How to Network in 3D!
Talking to People in 3D, 2D and the 26 Dimensions of Bosonic String Theory
Most of my writing is in the creative and education space. I love demystifying the creative process for people who crave a boost or a spark or a new POV on their stories. But I know a lot of people crave advice about the professional world which can also seem terribly mysterious as well. So let’s talk about the popular topic of Networking.
Talking to People
First of all, I hate the word. It’s cold and I hate cold words especially for creative work. Instead of How to Network let’s say How to Talk to People. You know how to talk to people. So do that.
But to be more specific, I’ve compiled a list of tips and dos and don'ts below. I've even included substantial white space to make it easy on the eyes.
Much of the advice is related to my experience in the world of film/tv/media, but I’ve been in all sorts of environments that required me to Talk to People so I think readers will find this useful no matter what professional space they inhabit.
If you’re accustomed to life in two dimensions — Zoom calls, email threads, and sending passive-aggressive LinkedIn requests—stepping into the third dimension can be challenging. People’s faces can be quite large, you can smell things, and you’ll encounter more visual input than you find on the screen of your average laptop.
Interestingly, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Mark Zuckerberg are lobbying Congress to rename "virtual space" as "real life" while changing "real life" to "fleshy, awkward time." Let me know in the comments if you have a preference.
Networking in 3D
(Much of the following advice applies to 2D encounters as well.)
Be Yourself: Professional Talking to People can be uncomfortable. When I’m driving between meetings across LA, I listen to John Prine or local Mexican radio. I’m not sure why, but both help me feel like myself as opposed to a bot chasing validation from people who may or may not have even read my script. Find your own way to stay connected to your authentic self. It could even be a silent matra like: I am Enough or There’s a very slim chance this person hates me.
What to wear? Ideally, dress like yourself—unless you’re deeply uncomfortable being yourself, which is common among writers. In that case, dress like someone who looks confident in their clothes, like the Dalai Lama or Justin Trudeau. I’ve never seen a guy who looks more comfortable in a suit than Trudeau.
Put your fucking phone away. Whether you’re in someone’s office or at a cafe, put that shit away. If you don’t understand why then you’re a lost cause on the topic of ‘How to Talk to People’. Stop reading now.
Make eye contact. Eye contact is more rare than you think. I’m surprised when someone makes good eye contact with me, and I deeply appreciate it. Now there’s a limit—staring into someone’s eyes for too long can reveal you are actually a scriptwriting chat bot or perhaps a Scientologist. There’s a sweet spot for eye contact. Aim for that. On a related note, remember to blink. Especially if you’re an actual bot. Some models are still working on this.
Ask questions. We can get so excited to have someone’s ear sometimes we’re reluctant to let it go. The person across from you is more than a future job opportunity; they are also a learning opportunity and a human being who prefers engaging in dialogue over listening to your monologue. Ask about their current work and the work they hope to be doing in the future. Just don’t ask about their kids (see # 6)
No kids. If you’re a parent, I assume you know not to bring your kids to networking opportunities, but don’t even talk about your kids. Your extended family barely cares about your kids so please don’t think your professional network cares. And if the exec is a parent, don’t ask about their kids. First of all, you don’t care, and second, half your meeting will be consumed by the topic of screen time.
Don’t talk about too many projects. You think it makes you look prolific, but you risk sounding like a barfly who considers himself an idea guy. Executives know each of these projects takes a shitload of time so it’s good to let them know you are focused on one or two but yes you have others. I have absolutely failed at this by letting the excitement about one project carry me into talking about another which takes the air out of the first one. Chill out and take yes for an answer. Hopefully there will be more conversations in the future.
Avoid sounding bitter. Look, being a writer is hard. They get it. I get it. My molars are currently ground to dust from stress. But executives don’t want to hear about your failures and near-misses. They want to know if your ideas fit into their needs. Think of them like frightened, hungry animals. They don’t want your sob story. They want food. Be food. (Metaphorically, of course. Do not attempt to be actual food without talking to your lawyer.)
Don’t be a misogynist. Whether you’re a man or woman, hopefully you’re not a misogynist. But if you are, try to avoid pitching rapey stories to female execs. These days, even some men will hesitate to engage with projects that feature violence against women. To be safe, hold off on your stalkery pitches as well. And if all of your stories include rape and/or stalking of women, please run to a psychiatrist and/or contact the speech writing team of the Trump administration.
Know their work. If it’s a set meeting, make the time to research their work. This is basic but to be honest I don’t always do it, and I know a writer who unknowingly insulted an executive’s film to his face. The meeting didn’t last long, but I suppose it makes for a decent story. If upon researching, you find the person does misogynistic work perhaps this is an opportunity to pitch those rapey/stalkery projects.
Physical Contact. In 3D Networking, you might encounter someone extending their hand toward you in a slow manner. This is a gesture of camaraderie some people feel still comfortable with. The choice is yours, but I recommend stepping outside your comfort zone to grip the person’s hand in a brief firm way. This is called a handshake. Occasionally someone will extend a clenched fist toward you. Don’t panic. Despite the history of fists, this too is a friendly gesture called a fist bump. I would strongly recommend accepting the offer by gently tapping your fist against the offered fist. If possible, include eye contact for best results.
Coming Soon - Networking in 2D
Of course, virtual networking has been the norm since COVID. And while some of us have adapted to looking "professional" from the waist up, let’s not forget the fundamentals: good lighting, a clean background, and—despite common practice—pants. Yes, full pants. Trust me. I once hustled to a zoom meeting straight from the shower dressed in a snappy polo but only a towel around my southern border. When I knocked over my coffee during the call, I leapt up and well…let’s just say Netflix banished me to the little known Steamy Movie category.
Stay tuned…
I’m working tirelessly on my 26 post series titled: Networking in the 26 Dimensions of Bosonic String Theory. If you think 3D is a nightmare, just wait until you have to make eye contact in a realm where time loops in on itself.
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